He drags me by the hair

I feel the cold hard ground beneath me

A loud scream or was it an empty attempt of a scream escapes from my lips as I feel the edge of our 1940’s Italian made side table pierce through my side

I still remember when I bought that table

It was one of the first items we bought when we moved into our house four years ago.

For a split second I remembered how happy I was

For a split second I remembered how happy he made me

When his smile could wipe away my tears

When he was all I wanted to see after a bad day at work

A slap across the face brought me back to consciousness

He looked at me and demanded the same question again

This was my Gboyega

Now he was looking at me like a stranger

He was looking at me like he was thinking of a million ways to hurt me

A million ways to make me suffer

He didn’t want to kill me

But he wanted to come close

And why?

Because of his pride

I tried to stand to my feet and his strong legs kicked me back to the ground

This same legs that I had massaged for so long

Ever since I knew him

Ever since I knew that was his soft spot

He loved massages and I gave it to him whenever I pleased or he did

This same legs were forcing me to the ground in careless abandon

He brought my face to his and demanded this same question

I could feel his spit on my face

I could smell his breath on my face

There was a time his face would come close to mine and with a look I would know what he wanted

My insides would melt

And the space between my legs would become warm with desire

I still remember the first day I met him

The first thing he said to me

“Why would a girl like you come to a place like this?”

I hated the fact that he thought I was a spoilt rich girl

A woman who was brought up in a cocoon of wealth

He grew to love me

And I loved him back

Gboyega punched me in my belly

And I was reminded of the fact that I had taken a pregnancy test two days ago

I was still reeling from the uncertainty

From my own careless abandon

My own naïveté

Walls were closing in on me

He punched me again

And I had to beg him to stop

I tried to hold on to the arms that I had lovingly held in the past

The same hands that had touched me where every woman wants to be touched

He asked me this same question again

Who’s Tony?

Hearing his name escaping from his lips sounded unreal and real at the same time

This same name was the reason why I was in a fix

This same name had brought me joy and pain

I shouldn’t have done it

But I let it happen anyways

I clutched my belly and I knew I had a decision to make

I looked at Gboyega with a look I knew he had never seen on my face

I was surprised at the way I felt all of a sudden

Like a cold wave had rushed through me

My head a blank space of emptiness

And the last thought that I had as I rose from the ground was

“What is done, is done”