I don’t have it all figured out

Sometimes I wonder if I would ever do

My spark seems to dim

With every passing day

Every hour, every minute, every second

The times I used to know myself

Feel like a distant past

Out of reach

I feel stuck

In Limbo

I don’t feel true to my soul

I feel like I’m losing myself

My personality changing

Slowly affected by my surroundings

My life feels vapid at times

I’ve learnt to withhold my true nature

To blossom like a flower in spring feels like a dream so laughable

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore

Am I wearing someone else’s shoes?

Struggling to fit in

Like a duck looking for its mother in the pond

So white, so pure yet still so lost

When did it all deteriorate?

Human connection I presume

There can be no other way

I remember when I used to live in my thoughts

That was my hiding place

The voices in my head comforted me

Strings of words forming without blemish

But the minute where I was taught to interact and stop living in my head was when things changed

It opened me up to the thoughts and ideals of the world

They are slowly changing me

I was told to listen,

Maybe I just haven’t listened well

I was told to depend on God

Trust in him they say

How can I focus when I constantly hear things that don’t make me feel happy?

Or things that don’t conform to my being

Still I wait

For that epiphany that may never come

 

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